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Tuesday, 10 June 2014

I am Sorry you feel that Way!

My dearest daughter,

You may not remember the date and time as you were small but the guilt strike me and I cringed every time I remember the 15 minutes scene. The scene that has transform me to a better person.

It started with a nice Tuesday morning. Everyone in the house was late for their school and work.

1st Scene-Master Bedroom-Shower

The moment you woke up, you started to test my ill-temper. didn't you know that we are all late? Didn';t you know that you can have shower at your school? Didn't you know that I sleep less than 4 hours the night before because your brother keep on kicking my tummy and head? Of course you didn't as you are just 3 years old.

You wanted to shower and I insist you to do it at your school. The tantrum begin and as patience as I could be, I said ok. Then you demanded to choose your own attire. I knew this is coming as you always be very picky when choosing what to wear and how to wear. The act is cute and I find it impressive coming from 3 years old. However, not at that the time, my dear.

Not to let your tantrum burst, I followed you to your room and be polite. However, your chose to wear your pyjama and it was completely NO WAY!

You started screaming and I just stormed out from the room as a way not to let myself out of control. Thank God, your Baba took over the task and I can't thank him enough. But you know man, the tolerance was simply let his daughter do whatever she likes as long as she keeps quiet. My daughter ended up wearing a nice top with her' seluar tidur'. It was completely unacceptable and the game of threatening began.

Me: Ya pakai tu, Mommy tak sayang Ya
You: Crying out loud, Mommy sayang lah Ya! (while pulling out the pant and ready to change)

It was nearly 9am and we are still in our room. In the end, I managed to put you in nice overall jeans.

2nd Scene- Ground Floor- Kitchen and Car Porch

We went down and you saw me open the fridge. And you innocently asked for your syrup and ice cream. This time, I said a lot of Astarghfirullah and keep on calming my heart. Yes, you managed to get your syrup and KitKat instead of ice cream after a few reasoning session. You sat nicely in the car are was waiting for us.


The moment I sat down at the passenger seat, you asked me to open the KitKat. As fussy and picky person, you dislike how I opened the wrapper, MashaAllah. And that really caused me to go BALISTIC as you refuse to eat and demand a new one. You went all the way screaming like 'kena rasuk hantu'.

The act from you is what we always said 'Biasalah budak-budak'
However, the act from me is unforgiving. I stormed out from the car and screamed my lung out, seize the KitKat by force and threw the KitKat away. Not only I screamed at you but also cause physical pain to your ears.

Both went silence until you said slowly 'Mommy tak shayang Ya'.

The END....

I know there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but I could have been much better than what I was. I could go on and on about parental mistakes, but I did the same mistakes with you. I love you too much and apologize for the pain I have caused you.

And I am sorry for all the things I got wrong; they were because I knew no better or could do no better. I bet that you yourself will do better, and I hope I live long enough to see it. I shall always love you with all my heart.

Mommy shayang Ya

kasih itu sampai mati
we had many scene like this
p/s: Ya Allah, sedekahkan kekuatan aku untuk dia yang bernama Sofea. Agar terang hidupnya menuju Jannah. Andaikata jalan itu terlari, Kau bolakkan kembali hatinya atas satu dasar- Tiada Tuhan yang diSembah melainkan Allah dan Muhammad itu pesuruh Allah.

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